Are All Men The Same?

Have you noticed a pattern in the type of people you are attracted to? Have you ever wondered why that is or have you put it down to being unlucky in love and relationships?

For 15 years, I believed that ‘all men were jerks’ because despite how much I tried to change things, I kept going through the same problems with men. If you have ever watched the movie, Groundhog Day (A weatherman finding himself living the same day over and over again -Staring Bill Murray- 1993) then you will start to understand how I was living.  Perhaps you have been there with me. You try to keep yourself from being hurt and build something positive but you keep going through the same hurtful experiences each time with a different man.

I dated men that were not right for me and blamed them for all our problems. If he would just change into the man I first met or became the man I always wanted him to be then everything would be OK.  I lived my life playing the waiting and blaming game –blaming him and then waiting for him to change so that I could be happy.

Blame isn’t all bad. It helps us decide who is responsible for what and what we need to be accountable for. However, the balance tips to unhealthy when we blame the other person for everything that is wrong. This type of blame takes away the opportunity of growth and personal responsibility and makes us victims. We are left with no choices and no power to act. Everything we want and hope to happen is given into the hands of the person that we feel is making our life intolerable.

The power to act and make changes requires personal responsibility. Rather than focusing on what needs to change in him we start focusing on our own growth. That means looking at how we are keeping the cycle repeating. It could be things like living with false hope about his feelings for us or denying his hurtful behaviour. It could be our ideas about love and loyalty- perhaps they are built on infatuation and not reality. Or it could be a fear of speaking up or saying no and as a result we are put up with things we know are wrong.  

It is not about ‘men being all the same’ it’s about realising that we like and attract a certain type. Not all men are the same and by discovering why we attract who we do and then changing the pattern, we give ourselves freedom to discover other types of people.

Are All Men The Same - Written By Joanne Robinson Copyright 2008 Donna Intera