With a whole year ahead of us, I do not want you to face this year with no hope of change or having something better. If you apply yourself to figuring out what you need to do differently, how you were hurt by your partner, and what you need to avoid next time round, you can begin to feel hopeful about people and relationships again.

It doesn't mean you have to force yourself to feel good when you don't or rush into another relationship when you still feel hurt, sad or angry. You need time to grieve and feel good about your life and yourself again, so give yourself time. The most important thing to focus on right now is how you are healing. How you heal determines your next relationship choice and if you don't want what you have already had, focus on healing the right way.  How do you do this?

Rebound
Avoid the knee jerk response by rushing straight into another relationship. You are more vulnerable to affection and attention after a break up and more likely to accept a date based on how he is making you feel rather than him being the right man for you.

Not Good Enough
If your last relationship hurt how you think about yourself, make sure you recover your esteem and sense of personal happiness first. You want to date when you know you are enough not when your life seems empty and you hate yourself!

Grieving
Any significant relationship loss needs grieving over. It is about facing and accepting what you have lost - the good and the bad- even if your ex seems to have moved on and shows no signs of missing you. The time you are in now is about your heart, your life and your feelings, so tell yourself you are worth the time and attention to go through the stages of shock, anger, sadness and acceptance. If you attempt to skip this part you will end up with a lot of confused feelings and issues to deal with in the next relationship.

Desperation
Even if you are glad to be out of the relationship, still give yourself time to be happy and content single. If you find you are desperate to find someone straight away because you can't stand feeling lonely take this as a sign that you need to work on feeling happy and content single before you can by a happy and content person in a relationship.

Protection
If you have vowed to never share your love and feelings again make sure you still fill your life with the love and support of good friends /family and your spiritual life. To remain single forever needs to come from a place of conviction and peace not fear and hurt. The walls you put up now may prevent you from facing how hurt you really are and blind you to how well you have recovered if the time comes you want to try again.

When is the right time to try again?

You will know when you are ready!  But you can ask yourself some questions to help: Am I feeling excited about my life and feeling good about myself? Do I have a sense of purpose and direction as a single and not sad and lonely at home? Am I feeling hopeful about a possible relationship? Do I have a good attitude towards the opposite sex and not colouring everyone through my bad past experiences? Am I aware of what I need to avoid the next time round? Am I more aware of my needs and what I need in a partner?

Written by Joanne Robinson. Copyright Donna Intera 2009

 Coaching

Coaching is a great way of helping you develop relationships skills and meet your goals. So whether you want to change your relationship attractions or set new goals for 2009, then contact Joanne today for free 30 minute consultation, by emailing info at donna intera co . uk