The film of the book of the throwaway line from Sex and the City will be out this week, just before Valentine's Day and so in good time to break the bad news to perplexed romantics everywhere. He's Just Not That Into You stars Scarlett Johansson, Drew Barrymore, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Aniston, and aims to explain to women, in words that they can understand, why that man didn't call/ send a Valentine's card/ leave his wife/ stop talking about his ex, ever. It's because he's just not that into you. And if he does any of the following things, he's not that into you, either. (The Guardian 1.2.07)

I haven't seen the film yet but I have read the book and hope to see it before it hits the video stores. One of the things I liked about the book was that it shreds light on unreciprocated love.  Women giving and waiting, looking for signs, testing for signs and trying to make their date take them seriously, or love them in the way they hoped to be loved.

One of my favourite two experts on dating and romance is Dr Henry Cloud and Dr John Townsend. They also tackle the problem of a man 'not being that into you' and state that there is a need to understand the difference between good hope and giving up on false hope.

I have put together 5 common signs to help you discern when a guy is showing behaviour that he is just that into you' and for you to figure out if you have good hope (based on reality of person changing and growing) or false hope (wanting something to be true but there is no reality or evidence that it is going to be).

The Non Commitser
Let us say you have been dating a guy for at least 6 months but he can't express how he feels about you or does not want to talk about his feelings regarding you. He closes down every time you discuss future events (i.e. doesn't want to commit to going to a movies with friends in 2 weeks time) or says that  he loves you but doesn't want commitment, or that he does not love you or loves you but is not 'in love' with you, believe what he says! Unless you feel the same way he does, six months into dating is enough time for him to figure how whether he is falling in love with you and the direction of where the relationship is going. Rather than holding on, take an honest assessment of how you feel and what he is actually telling you. Best to tick him in the 'just friendship' box then be with someone that wants to keep his options open while dating you.

Mr No Show
This type of guy constantly lets you down at the last minute. He hardly ever keeps his word and when he does show, he turns up late, or lets you down by saying he can't stay long. It is a sure sign of disrespect and a guy that is not really bothered whether you are in his life or not. Sure, he may stick around if you put up with his behaviour but you don't really want to teach him that he can treat you like that, do you?

Mr Wrong
Mr Wrong is the type of guy that shows you no respect, puts you down, criticises, finds fault and undermines or belittles what you say and do. The right guy values and respects you, so if Mr Wrong can't seem to hear and understand how you feel and put things right, then he is just not that into you. It really is more of a case of he is just into himself!

Mr Charmer
Mr Charmer has a way of making you feel like the only woman on earth in the first few weeks of dating. Trouble is he also has the knack of making lots of other women feel that way too. Unable to keep his eyes on you, he will play one woman up against the next and before you know it, you will start to feel less than the woman you felt before you met him. This is definitely a guy that is not just that into you. Rather than argue with the other women, see him for what he is and move on.

Mr Vague
Though you are with him you never really quite feel a part of his life. You never see his family, don't know much about him outside of dating you, don't know much about his friends and you are the one that finds out about  his life second or third hand. It has two lives, the one he has with you and the one he has with the rest of the world. He is vague about what he does when he is not with you 'a bit of this and a bit of that' and you basically feel left out of the loop. It is clear he may be less than honest with and is not into you enough to want you to be a part of his life.

Other Types
The types of guys that are not into you may also include the ones that: disappear for days and months at a time, encourage you to date other people or have affairs, never share any financial expenses, are married or have a girlfriend, keep talking about their ex and meeting up with them/having sexual relationships still with them/still living in the same apartment but 'not together' the guy that just does not want commitment.

You ready for change?
Does any of the above ring true for you? Are you tired of being in the same type of relationships? Would you like to feel good about yourself and your life again? Need to get your life back on track after a break up? Tired of being single but not sure how to go about getting a dating life? Want to feel more confident and step ou t and follow your dreams? Did you know Donna Intera coaching, counselling and workshops are aimed at helping women tackle these common life issues? Email Joanne Robinson to find out more info@donnaintera.co.uk