Starting Over Again

It is never an easy and painless experience getting over a failed relationship and this can be compounded by other professional and personal fallouts that came with the break up.

 

When people lose a relationship they experience similar feelings to those going through bereavement such as shock denial, grief and anger. These stages cannot be rushed and the more significant the relationship the longer the process might take.

 

Once you start to work through your grief, another key to recovery is figuring out what you learned from this relationship. What did it teach you? How were you hurt? And what do you need to do differently next time so that you don't repeat the pattern? What would you have needed in order to choose a more compatible partner? What were the reasons for it not working out? What portion of what went wrong belongs to your ex and what part belongs to you?

 

Some people have a difficult time allowing their emotions time to heal. Fear of being swallowed up by them or difficulty adjusting to singleness can cause them to short circuit the healing process by rushing into another relationship. Though short term it can feel like a warm blanket, long term the distraction will not heal the heart or teach you what you need to learn before you move into a new relationship. For example rejection can damage your self esteem and betrayal can cause you to lose your trust in men.  This will make it difficult to judge the compatibility of a new partner as low esteem, fear and hurt will be tainting your perceptions and decisions.

 

So the next key is to start making your life as whole and complete as you can while you are single Connect with friends, do things that you enjoy doing, take care of yourself and bring more meaning and purpose into your every day life.  Set yourself new goals and take action.

 

This painful season of you life will pass and with it will come new understanding, growth, experiences and life dreams realised and perhaps with all those things, a new opportunity to give love a try again.

 

Written by Joanne Robinson - Copyright Donna Intera 2009

 

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.  ~Victor Frankl