Groundhog Relationships

A few years ago, a baby called Gabby Gringras hit the *headlines when she was born with an extremely rare disorder called Congenital Insensitivity. For unknown reasons, the connection between the nerves that sense pain and the brain's recognition of pain is missing so she cannot feel pain. Her other sensory areas -- touch, heat, vibration, and the ability to perceive movement -- are normal.

"Pain teaches," said her mother, Trish Gingras. "Pain protects. Pain can save you from a lot of bad things in life." Without pain little Gabby has not known when she is in danger or hurting herself.   

**Recent research at the University of California, Los Angeles has shown that the part of the brain that processes physical pain also deals with emotional pain. Emotional Pain can take on many forms such as a relationship break up or social exclusion - so why do we feel pain, for example, when we are rejected or excluded?

Our social attachment system is piggy-backed onto the physical pain system to make sure we stay  connected and close to others. When we are not connected or lose a relationship, we feel pain such as loneliness, brokenheartedness, and grief. Emotional pain can also act as a warning, for example, 'don't go near that sort of man again' or 'avoid a woman like her'.

When emotional pain is left unchecked, we can experience other side affects such as stress related disorders, depression or develop unhelpful relationship strategies to help us cope.  For example, loneliness is often seen as an enemy rather than a helpful warning that we are isolated and need to experience a deeper level of connection. Sometimes we try to drown this out with activity, work, alcohol or other stimulants. Or we may prefer to continue a relationship that is not healthy for us over experiencing the pain of loneliness.

As with physical pain, it is important to recognise our emotional pain and invest in our recovery or put a plan into action to develop deeper connections or protect ourselves from further exposure to hurt.  This could mean allowing ourselves to go through the natural process of grief, facing our fears of intimacy and connection, or avoiding someone who is unsafe.

By understanding our own emotional pain we give ourselves the opportunity to treat it and avoid the likelihood of our pain becoming chronic and unmanageable.

Written by Joanne Robinson  Groundhog Relationships Copyright Donna Intera 2009

Do you need help in working through your emotions?

Today, you can enlist the help of a Counsellor or enrol on our October workshop How to Express Feelings Assertively. For more information email Joanne Robinson on info@donnaintera.co.uk